I didn’t write anything about this before because I didn’t want anyone here to leave negative comments about Shelley Lubben. So please don’t on this post. Shelley helped Desi and her daughter Elli leave porn and have been helping them ever since. But things in Desi’s life having to do with what she said on her blog started to spiral out of control.
I just read her blog and she says she’s moving and changing her name because she fears the men in porn are after her because of what she’s written about them on her blog. No one will hurt you or kill you as you seem to think. Whatever is happening behind the scenes with them is mostly them playing with you and you playing into their hands. And no one will shut down your blog either. I call men like Bill Asher rapists and how Derek Hay has done everything short of murder to the women at LA Direct. But my blog is still here with WordPress telling me my blog has never had a single complaint after they accidentally suspended my blog days ago.
They already know your name but they already know all the other porn star’s names. That’s the risk you take when getting into porn. They’ll find out your real name and print it. They shouldn’t but that’s what they do. You also should not stop writing if that’s what you like doing. Luke Ford pissed off the entire porn industry and is now pissing off the Jewish community. Luke Ford is his real name and they knew exactly where he lived. He hated porn and the industry but still dated porn stars and got invited to the parties. Nothing ever happened to him.
I don’t understand why you think you have to run and hide. If the most evil people throughout porn are still making a living in this industry, nothing will happen to you except a few people playing mind games with you.
You can read Desi’s new post on her blog.
Porn Star Babylon 
Don Houston
September 19, 2009
I really haven’t kept up with the ins and outs of Desi’s “career” or her drama-mama act in the forums but the likelihood that anyone lifts a finger to hurt her is so minuscule that she seems paranoid at the suggestion.
To sum up what I think I know about her: She tried to make a career out of selling her own body and encouraging her daughter to do the same, she found few people cared for her work, and she ended up at the Bunny Ranch until she couldn’t make enough to justify the amount of drama she caused. Lubben’s “I got a live one” radar kicked in and after some minimal assistance, Desi is singing her praises while ridiculing and otherwise poking fun in a childish manner at some of the people in porn that wouldn’t hire her. Now she sees anonymous men in porn out to get her and is trying to stir up some interest on that topic. That sound about right?
Well, having read several of her diatribes on her blog, she appears to be another case of sour grapes trying to cash in on her notoriety and get payback for those that did not see her as a big “star”. The funny thing is, except for her newfound intolerance for the industry as a whole, she isn’t a bad writer.
Steven Millan
September 19, 2009
Perefectly spoken,Darrah,for this stuff also happens on the Internet where someone where easily fall into the hands of on-line trolls and flame war igniters and allow them to rip them apart,for the best thing to do is just ignore these morons,walk away from where they frequently post,and keep writing everywhere on the ‘Net and they’ll eventually leave you alone,for I had that type of experience at a few of the forums I used to post at(five years ago)but I didn’t allow the troublemakers to stop what I passionately enjoy doing.
So,the Jewish community now hates Luke Ford ?! LOL!!!….that’s pretty hilarious to hear(considering that everyone in porn hated Luke till they started to ignore him,with Luke taking notice of that and then deciding to leave porn journalism). 😀 😀
iwasthere
September 19, 2009
The Bunny Ranch is strict with their employees, I can see why she didn’t work out there, she doesn’t like being told what to do.
tattypattyagain
September 20, 2009
“Suck Seed In Life”. Desi, you delusional whore. You did this to yourself….
Kelli
September 20, 2009
Well apparently the depraved men of porn valley are in
Miami, FL
Tampa, FL
Sarasota, FL
Houston, TX
Chicago, IL
New York City, NY
New Jersey, NJ
Seattle, WA
Portland, OR
Phoenix, AZ
Las Vegas, NV
San Francisco,CA
San Diego, CA
Los Angeles, CA
I’m sorry but this is just to funny for words. This lady is a total and complete nut job and this is just one more way for her to get attention. What she needs is help and I don’t mean the Shelly Luben kind. She needs to see some doctors and get on some serious kind of meds.
Darrah Ford
September 20, 2009
Luke left because his rabbi made him leave again. This time the rabbi was serious. So he left. Now that same rabbi a year ago kicked Luke out of Shul because Luke outed an 18-year-old girl as their newest writer for the Jewish Journal. I told Luke to join a gay Shul. Gays would never kick out anyone who accepts them.
Harvey Dent
September 21, 2009
I know a former escort that goes to gay episcopalian congregations for the same reasons. And she is straight!
Darrah Ford
September 21, 2009
I didn’t know there were gay Shul’s. I asked Luke if there was and he said yes. I said he should join because they would never kick him out for anything if he accepts them.
Amber
September 21, 2009
Hmmm, maybe she is going into hiding because she is a self-obsessed, self-centered, I-am-so-incredibly-important, yet-I-take-take-no-responsibility-for-my-actions, horrible mother that just needs to ride off into the sunset and go away already.
Harvey Dent
September 21, 2009
Amber are you the former porn girl that has a run it with Max or someone like him?
If true, can you tell us about life after porn. Do have been in porn hava affected your life after quiting’
Amber
September 21, 2009
Hi Harvey,
Yes it’s me, and there is not enough room on this site for the long version. Short version, after I nearly missed getting HIV from Marc Wallice (that’s another story), I quit porn and had major PTSD. I became a started dancing again, quit that, became a bartender, where some people recognized me, some were jerks, and some were just plain mean. Friends and family found out, and that has affected some of my relationships to this day. Due to the PTSD, all of my long beautiful hair fell out, I had to move back in with my mom, because who’s gonna pay for to see a bald stripper, right? Who wants a freak bartender with no hair?
With my past, it was hard to keep a boyfriend, and with no hair, it was impossible. Anyway, the hair grew back, I got a real job, met and married a wonderful man, and put myself through school, with honors. I was recently accepted into USC, and I’m pretty happy. No kids, but 2 beautiful rescue cats. Porn no longer affects my life, except when I’m watching for pleasure. Life truly is what you make it, and I accept full responsibility for everything in my life, good and bad. Thanks for asking.
Harvey Dent
September 21, 2009
It seems PTSD is faily common among former sex workers.
Many porn chicks and former porn chicks has it. Sometimes they come to the industry with PTSD and sometimes not.
Given the hard time you have after quitting porn and the huge PTSD attack you have, do watching porn does not give you flashbacks?
I know some girls that cannot do, say or read anything sex industry related without getting flashbacks. Sometimes they cannot even go near a strip club.
Harvey Dent
September 21, 2009
BTW Amber, do you have a long version?
Natal
September 21, 2009
I was going to make a snarky comment about Desi, but Amber made me sad 😦
Amber
September 21, 2009
No, no flashbacks. Not all the stuff I did in the industry was bad, and some of it was actually fun. Some of the best sex I had was in porn.
I got over whatever was haunting me though some counseling and sheer will. I won’t ever let someone or something control my happiness or sense of self. I choose to not be a victim, in some respects a survivor, but not a victim. I still go to strip clubs and watch porn (not abusive porn) because I enjoy it and I like looking at beautiful women.
The mistake a lot of these women make is not being proactive in their own mental health or their lives. I used to think I would be able to make money off of my looks for a good portion of my life. I thank God this situation happened to me because it forced me to examine what I let my life become, and how I can change and be a better person. Definitely a character-building experience. I realized I had to educate myself and quit feeling sorry for myself. So I got off my ass and I did just that.
Amber
September 21, 2009
I didn’t mean to make anyone sad. I have a happy ending!
Harvey Dent
September 21, 2009
“I used to think I would be able to make money off of my looks for a good portion of my life. I thank God this situation happened to me because it forced me to examine what I let my life become, and how I can change and be a better person. Definitely a character-building experience. I realized I had to educate myself and quit feeling sorry for myself. So I got off my ass and I did just that.”
Its worth repeating.
iwasthere
September 22, 2009
Amber, you should go to Sosi and share your story. You would be helping many. Too many performers cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Darrah Ford
September 22, 2009
Glad everything worked out for the best for you Amber. 😀
Harvey Dent
September 22, 2009
Amber story would be great there (do you read that forum IWT? One girl told me that some people like the Earl of Pimpwich read it too!).
Most of the girls who post there are the abused as a child type and probably went into the industry with PTSD in the first place so their PTSD got worse and deeper (they are the ones that have flashbacks, nightmares and panic attacks and often quietly hate the industry), but many are not, just girls that are like Amber, women that just figured out they can live out of their looks and relized too late they got themselves into a trap.
Amber testimony might be helpfull for them.
sportyridr
September 22, 2009
Desi is a nutbag…been reading her blog for as long time…she is now completely delusional…and she has never named names but its always everyones fault but hers
Amber
September 22, 2009
Thank you to everyone here for you support! I am not familiar with Sosi or IWT. I only read Darrah for PS updates, and occasionally Luke, but it’s hard to read a lot of the comments over there.
I’d be happy to talk to anyone who needs help or motivation to better their lives. BTW, I was not abused as a child. The only abuse I suffered was through my own messed up decision-making process.
Note to moms and dads: keep your kids in school!
Harvey Dent
September 22, 2009
SOSI is a forum in the web were some porn girls, escort of strippers who are in and looking for a way out or who are out but dealing with the aftermath post. Your story seems very similar to the Aftermath stories I have read there.
Is faith based since is part of Christian forums, a ecumenical Christian web (from the very liberal types to fundamentalist) founded by an Australian (I see a pattern here).
Most porn girls prefer to post more private, by invitation only forums (After the Silence, The Wounded Healer) but often they post here before being directed to those forums.
They post mostly personal stuff like drugs, mental issues and chilhood issues.
And they seem to come in two diffent types. The child abuse, often incest survivors, and the women with regular childhoods that came into the indutry due to bad decisions. They problems seen to be very similar, but the childhood abuse survivors are more likey to see themselves as victims and to be more bitter against the industry.
Harvey Dent
September 22, 2009
The child abuse type of sex workers are often reliving their abuse in the industry is a subconsious way to show themselves they can handle it over and over again, is called acting out. And when they “wake up” and realize what they are doing the often become very bitter at the industry. Often they seem to enter the industry out of desperation and self hatred.
Well, not all, Tiffany Million belongs in that group and she does say that she did learn to handle men and sex in the industry. But most of the founders of the Survivors of Sex Industry in all the Christians and Feminist incarnations belong in this group and they do seem bitter about the industry, the men in the industry were just stand ins for their fathers. And they hate their fathers, one girl has told me she wish she had the guts to kill her father growing up.
If Desi is telling the truth in her lattest posts, she belongs in this group, and 50 something and having pimped her own daughter is a bit too late to wake up, but better late than never.
She does needs therapy. Better late than never.
Amber
September 22, 2009
Hmmm. I’m not sure if sosi is the place for me. Example post:
I am not sure if I am welcome
I have been in the adult industry for close to 10 years. It stops Me everytime I want to learn more about becoming a Christian. I am working My way out of this business but am still partly involved right now.
The problem is I feel like a complete hypocrite trying to become a Christian and wanting to lead a better life while still working in the adult industry. I would love see what church is like but am ashamed of what people will think of Me if they find out who I am and what I do for a living.
I would leave this work in a second if it wasn’t for My bills and paying for medical care for My disabled Son. I am really scared.
I hope it is okay for Me to post here, thanks for listening.
Nikki
Why is the first thing people do when encountering hardship (i.e. leaving porn, going to jail, etc.), they go to “God”? God won’t help you, he’s busy. You know who can help you Nikki? You. Turn to a book (no, not the bible), and free yourself of stupidity.
I am so sick and tired of people not being accountable for their actions, and nothing I say to any of these people will help because they are professional victims. I also have a problem with porn being lumped in with sex trafficking and prostitution. Yes, I know they do exist, but that just wasn’t the case when I was in the industry. There was a definite food chain, and prosties were just above suitcase pimps. On sosi, if they promoted education as much as they did God, none of the women would even be on there. To all the women on sosi: Quit expecting someone or something to save you. Save yourself.
Don Houston
September 22, 2009
As I’ve said many times in the past, I’m not religious though I honestly believe my personal moral code is lived up to a whole lot more frequently than most of the “thumpers” out there. I even concur with your opinion regarding education and doing for yourself rather than relying on a supernatural being. Still, if the issue at hand is one of worrying about what some will think of you, there are a great many churches that teach tolerance to congregations that actually believe in the concept; you just have to find them.
I’m not advocating religion, just accepting that those wanting to look into it be fully educated on the idea since the politically far left have done their best at marginalizing all those showing some religious belief as lunatics and intolerant extremists. Such ideas are about as credible as saying anyone voting for Obama betrayed the country to terrorists and evil but then politics tend to make people crazy, yes? 😉
redgoat
September 22, 2009
Love the honesty ,Amber.
Glad things are getting better.
Amber
September 22, 2009
I’m so obsessed with this site for the last 2 days…must…stop. Don, I agree with you, however the issue at hand is people want a free ride. I know because I was one of them. I was very happy to take as much money as I could from people for doing as little as possible. The only math I could calculate in my little head had to do with money or drugs. What I didn’t realize, is you never get something for nothing, as always a price will be paid; so much more than just a monetary fee. I used to feel entitled, and I saw a lot of that on those threads today. Their whining and hypocrisy produced an angry, visceral reaction from me. These women don’t want help, they want to be rescued. Regardless of one’s view on religion or politics, ultimately we are responsible for the decisions we make, and the results they produce. A point comes in life where we quit blaming our parents/friends/drunk uncle for ruining our lives. That’s what I mean about being proactive in your own life-don’t sit back and let life just happen to you. If you don’t like it, fix it. If you’re being abused, then leave. If you are hooked on drugs, quit. There are ALWAYS facilities, hospitals, police, psychologists, family, friends, strangers, bloggers, SOMEONE there help you. But only if you want to be helped. Or unless you are a clueless idiot, like Desi. Ok, must leave now…
iwasthere
September 22, 2009
Harvey, everyone read sosi after the Teagan fiasco. That was the most wrong thing Luke ever did.
Desi is insane. Neither she or her daughter were dropdead gorgeous, so even in a good porn economy they’d be big moneymakers only in the extreme niche, but Desi’s little princess was too good to do that Jaysin movie with the lollipops (too unhygenic said Mom Desi). And who the hell flunks out of the Bunny Ranch?
redgoat
September 22, 2009
The Bunny Ranch story is a good one. Same Desi/Diana, different setting.
Let’s just say that Desi’s earning potential was never realized.
As she said on the Stern Show, “A lot of the times, I would just get to know a person by sitting in the lounge with them”.
The reason : Other than a few, FEW, curiosity seekers,she was blogging from her empty room, and not doing much more than that.
You can’t pay the pimp if you ain’t getting the business.
And since she was saving her daughter ( cough cough) she had Elli pack up and go because she was done with her undercover work ……..
Harvey Dent
September 22, 2009
“That was the most wrong thing Luke ever did.”
Yes. It was. It was his most asshole like move.
Well, not all the people in SOSI are hardcore Christians, they do lean more toward mainstream denominations (Anglicans, Methodist, Catholics)and some are in fact agnostics but saldy, Evangelicals protestants had so highjacked the term Christian that their vocabulary and theology (the Evangelicals are monergistics, one cannot do anything good without God, a by product of the Total Depravity doctrine of Calvin) that they are asociated with Christianity in the US.
Catholics are sinergistic, salvation comes from God in the end but one must do things on their own to deserve it, (for example, that is closer to Amber’s position).
I think the fact that they dump porn with trafficking comes from their founders personal experiences. One was trying to unionize strippers in Canada (what is the obsesion of Irish Catholics with unions in the English speaking world?) and was involved in the early strippergate there. The other one used to be in Pimpwich. Enough said.
iwasthere
September 22, 2009
The Earl has retired as a performer. Lower profile, but still.
I never like Luke much after the incident with Teagan, because it was obvious she wanted out and what he did drew the noose tighter. She had even taken a meeting with another company while pregnant to try and get away from her DP contract.
Harvey Dent
September 22, 2009
“I never like Luke much after the incident with Teagan, because it was obvious she wanted out and what he did drew the noose tighter.”
Made her life a living hell with Tyler, with the XPT crowd who harassed her and destroyed her as a contract girl/girl performer that is what she wanted to do as part of her exit plan.
It was really an asshole move, I wonder why he did that. Did he has a personal issue with Teagan? Or he wanted to tough love her out of the industry.
iwasthere
September 23, 2009
I don’t know Luke’s motivations. Luke has always lacked empathy.
FYI, Demi has fled to NYC. The shit is really hitting the fan at Pimpwich.
Harvey Dent
September 24, 2009
O my!
Darrah Ford
September 25, 2009
Remember reading how Luke told someone that the reason why he did what he did to Teagan was because he liked her and wanted her to leave porn and get away from the industry.
Harvey Dent
September 26, 2009
Yes, I got the feeling he, like many XPTers (Freestylah and yes, Swami) wanted to tough love her out of the industry, but those things rarely work that way. If Teagan believed she can make it out of the industry she will gone by now.
Darrah Ford
September 26, 2009
I never knew the things that Luke did. Everyone felt the need to tell me after I took the name Ford. I was contemplating Darrah Michaels. But stayed just as Darrah when I first started the blog until I picked a last name.
I heard about him on this sort of non porn forum I used to be on. They hated him there and how Luke hated the industry and “told lies” about the industry and pissed everyone off.
iwasthere
September 27, 2009
Teagan is hoping to win the Pet of the Year title to get the fat paycheck that goes with it.
Darrah Ford
September 27, 2009
How much does that pay? $100,000? Is it true if you win Pet of the Year that they own your websites? Heard something like that a while back.
(Real name deleted by Darrah. I doubt it's Desi either.)
November 25, 2009
Kudos to Rhianna – Tell It Like It Is
I’m excited that they are showing the full 20/20 interview with Rhianna tomorrow night on Lifetime TV at 10pm EST about her ordeal while in an abusive relationship. I just had to write about it here to make sure you all catch it if you can. It takes a ton of courage for a star (especially as young as she is) to step up and talk about such adversity in her life. Rhianna found herself at a fork in the road and she’s taking the right path. Her story will help millions of young women everywhere understand that it’s not all right to be abused. She’ll show these women, you really can take a stand. It’s time more of us starting sharing our stories. It will make women everywhere much stronger by sharing with us all!!
The first 5 years of marriage to my first husband were very abusive. I didn’t know any better and had no understanding of what was happening to me and I took alot of the blame on myself. It took watching shows like Sally Jesse Raphel and Oprah for me to see the mess I had gotten myself and my kids into. It took hearing about others who had experienced the same thing to know it was wrong and we needed help. I was brought up in a very loving and non-violent home and was actually very sheltered against such atrocities. I was full on into my relationship with my first husband before I had a clue why he did the things he did. As I learned and worked to change the life I’d made for myself and my kids, my husband slowly changed too. He gave up drinking and doing drugs but he never dealt with the pain inside himself to ever really get rid of his anger. That eventually destroyed our marriage and then came close to destroying him as well and none of it had to be that way if only he would’ve got help.
Chris said he was raised around abuse so he would never grow up and hurt others. At some point, he obviously forgot that promise to himself. The best thing he could do for himself at this point is to admit he has issues and find help so he doesn’t do it again. It’s the hardest thing that any of us can do to change bad behaviour and unhealthy situations. It’s strange that it has to be so hard for us to seek help. Everyone has issues they need to face and get past so why is it so hard to admit that to ourselves?? If my husband had gotten help when we needed it, life might’ve been very different. Men, especially, have such a hard time admitting they have pain, they hurt and they need help dealing with it. Chris should take the same path and set an example for others. Show you’re human and say you were wrong. Get some help and show the world you want to be better!!
I’ve been going to counseling for a couple months now. I’ve gone at different times in my life. I know how to self analyze myself but knowing what’s wrong and how to fix it is definitely two different things. Things that happen to us when we are young will affect how we act as we become adults. There’s so much pain in this country because there is no help available anymore. It’s one of those benefits that went by the wayside long ago. I was lucky enough to get free counseling from a wonderful woman who responded to an email sent to her by a stranger. We have common goals to help victims of sex trafficking in this country. She knew I needed my own help before I could go on to help others.
If you’ve read my story, you know I’ve been through my share of bad experiences in my lifetime. I do understand it all goes back to when I was just twelve. There’s so many people out there hurting others these days but there’s nowhere for all those hurt people to find solace. I hope Rhianna gets the help that she needs to deal with what she’s gone through so it won’t destroy her. I hope she then turns around and uses her experience to continue helping other young women to understand and recover too. We all have choices in life that are handed to us. Which way we decide to go is what makes us the people we become.
No matter what you’ve done or what’s happened to you, you have the power to change your life. You can be anyone you want to be as long as you’re willing to work for it. Isn’t it better to become a positive force in this world then to help be the destruction of it instead?? Rhianna, God bless you for being such a positive force during your pain. May you go forward with your head held high and your heart ever strong. You are making our world a better place by sharing yourself with us all and for that I say a big THANK YOU!!
iwasthere
November 26, 2009
Pet of the Year is 100k. Not sure about the web stuff, but it wouldn’t be a surprise. Teagan is so shy though, I don’t think they’ll pick her. Plus, she has the half sleeve and none of the other girls have one.
Harvey Dent
November 26, 2009
Teagan is shy but likeable as a person, she does has a pleasant personality and 100K well managed (I will put a third in Gold and Silver ASAP) can be her ticked out.
HappyThanksgivingwithDiana
November 26, 2009
HAPPY THIANKSGIVING – What Are You Thankful For??
I hope all of you have plans to spend time with someone special this holiday. I am spending the day with my family which is what I’m most thankful for. The usual turkey dinner and hanging around together. I go back to work on Friday so I’m enjoying my few days off.
I’m also thankful for my dogs. It’s been a tough week with them all around. Ze went into heat last week and with having Zen here now, it was a challenge to keep them apart. They kept us up for two nights to the point we were ready to toss them out the door lol. The good news is Zen is so small and short that he couldn’t reach Ze to accomplish anything anyway haha!!
Today, we went to the local library. I wanted to get some resource books on creative writing. After finding the perfect books for what I wanted to read about, we found out we couldn’t get a library card without a local ID. An out of county ID gets us in only if we wanted to pay $100. I thought that was the craziest thing I’d ever heard. I thought the library was public so anyone could use it. Needless to say we left without any books. Well, we bought a few used ones at the 2nd hand store they had there. I didn’t find any on creative writing but I did find some other subjects I wanted to research too. We headed home with our finds and as soon as we sat down, we saw that Ze wasn’t feeling very well.
I’m sitting here with her now. Still not sure what’s wrong with her but seems she will be alright. She’s acting like she ate something she shouldn’t have. Ze is terrible about putting anything interesting in her mouth that she can find. We keep the dogs in the hallway with a gate while we’re gone so she couldn’t have gotten into anything inside. For now we’re just watching and waiting. It’s not exactly the best time to find an affordable vet who’s open. I’m thankful I have these furry little friends of mine so I hope she’ll be alright in a little while.
I’m thankful I have a full time job. It’s not the best situation but at least I can pay my bills by myself. I really like the others on my team that I’m assigned to. I like having real live friends again. I do feel blessed to have so many good people in my life. Everything’s going good for all of us which is alot more than others out there might have right now. Work is very hard to find right now so be thankful if you’re working at all. My son finally found a job just today. It’s taken 3 months but now all four of us are working. We all work in different fields and I’m the only one in something different than I’m really experienced in. But my job is in an office setting so at least that part is close lol. The main thing is we all have money coming in again. We’re all saving up for things to move us along to the next level.
What are you thankful for this year as our world is struggling all around us?? While it may be tough out there, as long as we are all sharing and talking, our lives are going much better than others so I thank you all for following me for another holiday season. I’m also quite thankful for all of you friends and readers out there. You give me the reasons to keep writing
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!