The vital statistics of Ron Jeremy, 56, are 1.6m, 90kg and 24cm (9.5in, If you’re wondering) making him one of the world’s most famous porn stars. His latest DVD, out on Monday, is The One Eyed Monster, a non-pornographic film about aliens taking over his penis.
When will you give up porn?
When I wake up one morning and find my penis has fallen off.
What will you do with it then?
I will throw it at all the people I have ever hated. They will hear a noise [makes a banging noise] and say: ‘Ow, who threw that?’
I saw you on YouTube playing the piano. Perhaps you could do that if the porn dries up?
Was I playing it with my penis?
No, just your hands.
I took lessons as a young boy and I was considering a career as a classical pianist before getting into porn. I have played it with my penis before – it goes: boom, da da, boom, da da, boom.
What’s the best part of a woman?
Hmm, what’s that corny thing they say? Her face, her brain, her mind? For me, as long as she’s got a pulse, it’s OK. Put a mirror under her nose and if I see fog, I’m going in. No, seriously, I think it’s the face. The body has to be nice too, although I don’t like to break it into parts like boobies, rear end and legs. It’s about the mind too, the whole kit and caboodle.
What’s the most romantic thing you have done for a girl?
My ex loved animals and wanted to work at a wildlife park for sick ones. It was volunteer work only and she couldn’t afford to do it so I paid her a salary to work there.
Are you an animal lover too?
I love animals. You can see my pet tortoise Sherry in the film Porn Star Pets. I also did posters for Peta, the Protection of Eating Tasty Animals. I’m kidding, the ethical treatment of animals. I also starred in the British programme The Farm. I was beaten by Orville and Keith Harris. The guy had his hand up a duck’s rear end the whole time. At least I beat Lionel Blair.
Do you have a girlfriend?
No, I’m on the road a lot. You meet girls who want to mess around but finding a serious relationship is tough.
Surely the problem is that you have sex with women for a living?
Me and my friends have talked about this and I’ve never said this before in an interview but a girl thinks she can’t cause me any pain and it p***es her off. People tend to think if you are popular you don’t feel pain. If we break up or she throws me out, I can walk away and get a younger, hotter girl. She can’t punish me. But they get the last laugh because when a man loses someone he really cares about he is still in pain. All the sex in the world won’t satisfy loneliness. Aren’t I getting awfully corny? [shouts] Can we get some violins, please?
Does it upset you when people criticise your appearance?
My career has done better since I gained weight. I got more work because the average guy was thinking: ‘If a guy like that can get all the beautiful girls, then I can.’ Yes, I have got careless with my weight, but my career has lasted 30 years and I’m still working.
How has the industry changed in that time?
The girls have got way, way better looking. When someone such as Jenna Jameson sells her company for $14million, girls realise there is real money to be made here.
Do you ever think: ‘I really can’t be bothered to have sex today’?
There are tougher scenes, yes, particularly when it is someone you have worked with a lot or if it’s someone you don’t fancy, say an older woman or a heavy one. There are tricks, though; I stare at the cameraman’s foot or the light switch or I think about something else.
What will your headstone say?
After talking to Metro’s Lisa, everything seemed pale in comparison, he was ready to die. Honey, if you ever come over to the States, call me.